I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
