The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
