and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
