The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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