I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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