i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
