Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We were destined to go to rehab together
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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