when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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