Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
