When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
