Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
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