I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
