So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
