I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
love makes seman taste better
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
