i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He passed out mid-signature
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
