Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
