it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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