How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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