I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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