Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Still dying that you shit outside
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
