God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize