im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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