I am spending my child support on dildos
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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