I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
