I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
