cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
