Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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