It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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