We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
