Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize