At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My feet surprised me
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
