I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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