Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
