she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
