so explain again why im purple
no
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
