tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
