Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
my liver is dry heaving
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
