Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Bring me that man meat
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
