I just saw a hot homeless man
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
