I'm gonna have a badass scar
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
