Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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