i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
