I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Randomize
