i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
