it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
