I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
