I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
