we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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