so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
