Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
