She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
