how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
