You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
