Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
