wanna go halves on a baby?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
