Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
