All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
