Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
