and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
